Tuesday, June 26, 2012

About 7000 miles....

7000 miles. That is how far away I will be from my parents very soon. My parents have recently accepted a career opportunity. God has blessed my parents beyond their imagination. In the coming weeks, my parents will be relocating to China. Yeah, as crazy as that sounds, its true. So here I am, their youngest, struggling the most with it. This is not going to be a blog about my struggles, this is going to be a blog about how much I look to my parents for strength. So since my mom and dad have taught me that God will not give me anything that I can not handle, and the God himself is with me every step of the way, I will make it through. But here we go.
My parents, for as long as I can remember, have only given me and my brothers, and now their wives and grandchildrem, everything. They have blessed this family with love, with trust, and with integrity. I look to my brothers, and see men I am proud to say are my brothers. That is because of my parents. I see the love they have for my sister-in-laws, which they dont like that term, they are daughters, not daughter-in-laws. They brought Melissa and Jennifer into the family without hesitation. Then the grandchildren. They would give anything for those boys. I sometimes think that we take for granted what they truly do for me and for the family. No matter what, they will love you. My mom will hug you even if you dont like hugs. My dad will pick on you, just becasue he loves you. They are a united front that will never be broken. Man, am I blessed or what?
My parents love unconditionally. I have said that in many of my blogs. They show God's love everyday. I can only pray that one day I can find someone and love someone the way that they love each other. I have always looked up to my parents. I have always wanted a marriage and a family like the one I grew up in. I want to be able to provide for my kids the way my parents provided for me.
My parents deserve everything. I dont think I tell them enough how much they mean to me. I dont tell the enough how proud I am that I get to call them my parents. This opportunity is such a blessing and I am so proud of them for this. This is a huge sacrifice that they are making as well. I keep asking them how am I going to get through this? How am I going to make it without them, but what I should be asking is How can I make this easier for you? What can I do to make this transition better? They are the ones that are moving. They are the one making the sacrifice, and moving 7000 miles away from home. I will be here, well, relatively speaking, I will be in America. My career has taught me alot of independence. It has taught me that I can go and be whatever I want, and do whatever I think I want to do. So I guess I am somewhat prepared for this.

Here is my little paragraph about how I feel. Not that I want my parents to feel bad, but I need to get this out. My parents are my best friends. I feel like my heart is being ripped into a million pieces and there is no way it can be put back together. I feel like a little kid whose best friend is moving away. I know technology is better and i will be able to Skype and email and all of that, but people who know me know that I need them. It is not a want, it is a necessity. When I really start thinking about them leaving, I stop breathing. I am praying that this is just a horrible nightmare that I am going to wake up from. That when I do come home on the weekends that they are here. My mom is a part of me. When we are seperated I feel this tug at my heart that only my mother can fill, but I konw that I get to come home and see her. Now, I wont get that. I wont get that Mom time that I need.My dad and I, I cant even explain it. He made me into the woman I am today. His advice, his wisdom, his love. Unmatched from anyone else in my life. No on will ever be able to take his spot.
Ok enough about me. Let me end this by saying, I love my Mom and Dad. I am so proud of them. I look up to you more than you can ever understand. I am so proud of you. I am so happy for you. We can make it here in Oklahoma. Go do you thing and come back to us. I love you more than anything.

Good Luck on your amazing Adventure!!


Monday, June 25, 2012


Insomnia: I truly hate it. When I am on the road working I sleep fine. I am able to go to bed, sleep and wake up refreshed for the day, ready to hit the road. When I am at home, sleep eludes me. It is so frustrating. I can only clean the house so many times, and rearrange stuff, and organize stuff so much. Being in the new apartment is great! I love spending time with the roommate and seeing my family and friends. But, I get stir crazy. I feel like I should be doing something. I am working, dont get me wrong. During phone support I am constantly on the phone, supporting multiple locations with thier issues and working them out, but being home is just not me anymore. I feel like Tulsa/Bixby isnt where I should be anymore. I dont know, it is kinda scary to think about moving away from here. Not coming back to Tulsa when I am done training somewhere or not here for the Drillers or OKC Thunder. I know it is wierd. I havent lived here my entire life. I did have a short stent in Tucson for half of highschool, but then I came back home to Bixby.
Now I feel like I can go anywhere I want too. I feel like there is something bigger for me somewhere else. What am I so scared of? I am never here anyways, and something tells me this place I call home isnt going to be my home after all of this. When I cant sleep, this is what I do. I sit here and think about my life and how I might want to change it. How I might want to move away and start over. Not that my life is this horrible thing. I love my life and I do love Tulsa and Oklahoma, but it isnt home anymore I dont think. I want an adventure. I want my life to go somewhere. I want to meet someone new. I want different experiences with new people. I dont want my friends to read this and say, "Are we not good enough?" It isnt about that. It is about me getting out of this rut that I feel like I am in. I want so much! I want to conqure things I never thought I could. In this last year, I have conqured alot! But I want more. Is it wrong to want that? I have so much I want to see and do and feel, and something tells me staying here in Tulsa wont get me there.
I want nothing more than to become sucessful in my career and live my life the way God intened me to. I think He has a bigger plan for me than I could of ever imagined for myself. I feel like He is pushing me to make this decison. I am ready for whatever He has in store for me, but it is scary sometimes. I know I need to have faith in whatever He has planned for me and be patient and wait on Him. I am working towards goals I have for myself and letting him lead me. This is His show, and I just need to wait on him to cast me in it. I have alot coming up soon that my faith is going to be strengthened, and I am ready to take it on. I just hope I make the right decsion. I want ott golrify God in my decsion, and hopefully I can do that.
Thanks for reading. Will write more very soon! Love to all!