Monday, June 25, 2012


Insomnia: I truly hate it. When I am on the road working I sleep fine. I am able to go to bed, sleep and wake up refreshed for the day, ready to hit the road. When I am at home, sleep eludes me. It is so frustrating. I can only clean the house so many times, and rearrange stuff, and organize stuff so much. Being in the new apartment is great! I love spending time with the roommate and seeing my family and friends. But, I get stir crazy. I feel like I should be doing something. I am working, dont get me wrong. During phone support I am constantly on the phone, supporting multiple locations with thier issues and working them out, but being home is just not me anymore. I feel like Tulsa/Bixby isnt where I should be anymore. I dont know, it is kinda scary to think about moving away from here. Not coming back to Tulsa when I am done training somewhere or not here for the Drillers or OKC Thunder. I know it is wierd. I havent lived here my entire life. I did have a short stent in Tucson for half of highschool, but then I came back home to Bixby.
Now I feel like I can go anywhere I want too. I feel like there is something bigger for me somewhere else. What am I so scared of? I am never here anyways, and something tells me this place I call home isnt going to be my home after all of this. When I cant sleep, this is what I do. I sit here and think about my life and how I might want to change it. How I might want to move away and start over. Not that my life is this horrible thing. I love my life and I do love Tulsa and Oklahoma, but it isnt home anymore I dont think. I want an adventure. I want my life to go somewhere. I want to meet someone new. I want different experiences with new people. I dont want my friends to read this and say, "Are we not good enough?" It isnt about that. It is about me getting out of this rut that I feel like I am in. I want so much! I want to conqure things I never thought I could. In this last year, I have conqured alot! But I want more. Is it wrong to want that? I have so much I want to see and do and feel, and something tells me staying here in Tulsa wont get me there.
I want nothing more than to become sucessful in my career and live my life the way God intened me to. I think He has a bigger plan for me than I could of ever imagined for myself. I feel like He is pushing me to make this decison. I am ready for whatever He has in store for me, but it is scary sometimes. I know I need to have faith in whatever He has planned for me and be patient and wait on Him. I am working towards goals I have for myself and letting him lead me. This is His show, and I just need to wait on him to cast me in it. I have alot coming up soon that my faith is going to be strengthened, and I am ready to take it on. I just hope I make the right decsion. I want ott golrify God in my decsion, and hopefully I can do that.
Thanks for reading. Will write more very soon! Love to all!

1 comment:

  1. You asked if it was wrong to want more. The answer is no, it's not wrong. My only advice is that with prayer/meditation and seeking the council of the wise that you decide if GOD is leading you to other adventures, or are you chasing fulfillment from greener pastures that only exist in your mind.

    You should consider if your perspective while traveling is truly accurate, or possibly influenced more than you realize by the intoxication of new experiences and escape from some of the responsibilities of life.