Insomnia: I truly hate it. When I am on the road working I sleep fine. I am able to go to bed, sleep and wake up refreshed for the day, ready to hit the road. When I am at home, sleep eludes me. It is so frustrating. I can only clean the house so many times, and rearrange stuff, and organize stuff so much. Being in the new apartment is great! I love spending time with the roommate and seeing my family and friends. But, I get stir crazy. I feel like I should be doing something. I am working, dont get me wrong. During phone support I am constantly on the phone, supporting multiple locations with thier issues and working them out, but being home is just not me anymore. I feel like Tulsa/Bixby isnt where I should be anymore. I dont know, it is kinda scary to think about moving away from here. Not coming back to Tulsa when I am done training somewhere or not here for the Drillers or OKC Thunder. I know it is wierd. I havent lived here my entire life. I did have a short stent in Tucson for half of highschool, but then I came back home to Bixby.
Now I feel like I can go anywhere I want too. I feel like there is something bigger for me somewhere else. What am I so scared of? I am never here anyways, and something tells me this place I call home isnt going to be my home after all of this. When I cant sleep, this is what I do. I sit here and think about my life and how I might want to change it. How I might want to move away and start over. Not that my life is this horrible thing. I love my life and I do love Tulsa and Oklahoma, but it isnt home anymore I dont think. I want an adventure. I want my life to go somewhere. I want to meet someone new. I want different experiences with new people. I dont want my friends to read this and say, "Are we not good enough?" It isnt about that. It is about me getting out of this rut that I feel like I am in. I want so much! I want to conqure things I never thought I could. In this last year, I have conqured alot! But I want more. Is it wrong to want that? I have so much I want to see and do and feel, and something tells me staying here in Tulsa wont get me there.
I want nothing more than to become sucessful in my career and live my life the way God intened me to. I think He has a bigger plan for me than I could of ever imagined for myself. I feel like He is pushing me to make this decison. I am ready for whatever He has in store for me, but it is scary sometimes. I know I need to have faith in whatever He has planned for me and be patient and wait on Him. I am working towards goals I have for myself and letting him lead me. This is His show, and I just need to wait on him to cast me in it. I have alot coming up soon that my faith is going to be strengthened, and I am ready to take it on. I just hope I make the right decsion. I want ott golrify God in my decsion, and hopefully I can do that.
Thanks for reading. Will write more very soon! Love to all!