Knowing that I am supposed to love people and take care of people and put others before myself. I know that I am to love as Christ loved. That is what I have tried to do for the majority of my adult life. Now, there is a very fine line that comes with understanding how far one most go to love like Christ. Am I supposed to sacrifice my happiness to do this task that has been put in front of me? How far am I to go with this? If you ask anyone that knows me, I do love unconditionally. I love from the deepest part of my soul. I have been in relationships where I have put everything I know and everyone I "loved" on the back burner for that one person. And look where it got me.
I have always been the one that everyone counts on. I am always the one that everyone comes to. I have always played that role, and I know a lot of people count on me, and I have lived in this role for the longest time. I am not wanting to tell everyone to screw off, or that I don't care. Because I do. I care more than what you think I do. I care so much it takes over my own life, and my own emotions and I can not separate my own issues with that of the people that I love. I am called to love. Not to fix, not to mend broken hearts. That is God's job. This discussion of love and my roles and responsibility is so difficult for me. I want everyone around me to be happy. I want everyone to know the joy I do when I am fully engulfed in the love that my God has given me. I feel joy when I have a house full of people and everyone is having a good time. I feel joy when I sing in the car to my heavenly Father.
My job gives me a lot of time on the road. It gives me a lot of time that I call my worship time. I put my music on and just SING MY HEART OUT. When I am doing that, I feel so close to my God. I feel like I am in His presence when I am doing that. I desire for everyone to feel that. That is my path. My path is to spread the joy. But how can I spread joy if I am losing sight of it in my life? How can I show someone something that I have lost sight of??
I am working towards a huge decision in my life. I know what I am supposed to do. I know where I am supposed to be, but getting there, getting everything done...it is going to be a battle. I know I am to spread the joy. So I am getting the joy back. I am doing what I am supposed to do. I know it. I am sure! Now I need to take the steps to get there. I am a child of the true and living God. I am royalty. I have been given the most amazing gift. I have eternal life, because my God loves me that much! I am ready to follow the path he has for me. This blog has a lot of I in it. I am one person in the world. I am but one tiny human on the Earth, and I am ready to make my life significant. Not for anyone to know, not for anyone to say, Wow!!! Look at Lisa and see what she is doing. I am ready for me.
I want people to know what I am doing not for the pats on the back, I want people to see God's love. I want people to see God. No matter how they see it. I am a servant. I am but a soldier in the Army of God. God's love is surrounding me, and I just want to scream from the top of the highest building that he loves me. HE LOVES ME!!! He allows me to work for Him!!! I want to do His work.
If you have read the Bible, you have seen what impact one person can have. Saul. He killed Christians. He persecuted them and stoned them to death. That was his job. SAUL KILLED CHILDREN OF GOD!!! Seriously???? Saul, then on a dirt road was blinded by God himself, was imprisoned, and by the GRACE of God, survived. He then became one of the most influential missionaries of the New Testament, Paul. God took someone who killed His children, someone who persecuted His precious children and turned into someone who brought thousands to Christ. If he can forgive Paul. If He can use someone who lived a life so far apart from Him, then what have I been waiting for? I AM A CHILD OF GOD! I love Him!
So, how do I go about working for God? Can I do it here?? Yep! Can I do it at work? Yep. Can I do it in South Sudan, Africa? Yep!!! So, if you are still reading this... I need to ask a favor. I need prayer. I need prayer for strength and guidance. I need prayer for whatever God has planned for me that it happens. That I know what I need to do, but how?? Faith! FAITH!!!!!! I know I have faith. I know that God has huge plans for me, I just need to listen. Please pray that I will listen. Pray that I do the work of God as He sees it.
I know the blog is all over the place. I know it seems weird, but I need to write somewhere. I need to release somewhere. I know my PATH! I am a blessed child of God! Thank you God for loving me. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for always loving me, no matter how far I stray. You are the good Shepard, who would leave His flock of 99 to come that one. I don't want to be that one any longer. I want to be in your arms. I want to feel the love from you! Thank you for loving me!